The more I reflect on it...

...the more I don't understand what/who I am living for. I feel as though I am always under parental control. Up to date, I still don't understand why is it that I just can't do what I want to.

Somehow, I really regret not rebutting my parents that day about Reach Cambridge. It was like such a rare opportunity and I couldn't believe that they could even relate it to whether or not I could cope with my studies. It was really depressing. The thought of it...

It's as though I am living for my parents, to make up for all the education that they have lost. They link my lifestyle to studies, my choices to academic achievements, my dreams to scholarships. I am feeling rather lost in this world. Why am I here in the first place? When I don't have the choice.

You know, I simply can't tolerate this fact that my parents are always comparing my results to "you-know-what". It's as though assuming life is about getting the results, or probably the most colourful one.

If only I could turn back in time, given a choice, I would rather choose to go for Reach Cambridge, rather than being manipulated at home =(